Ode to Josh and the Other Guy at Service Master

I freaked out, almost had a stroke
Because these dang apartments broke.
Allstate was no help it seemed.
It felt all I could do was scream.

But then you came and saved the day--

You took the smelly carpet away

And sucked the water from the room,

Your arrival not a minute too soon.

And when I mentioned another leak,

You cleaned it up before it could reek.

You set up fans.  You check each day.

Your service makes me say, "Hurray!"

The house is losing the nasty stink.

We'll get through this ordeal, I think.

Thanks for spending your Friday night

Cleaning up the awful sight!

TH
5:25 p.m.

17 May 2007

Our Story, Abbreviated

Nothing could have been more perfect

Than the way we met,

The way providence through us together

So many times.

It seemed like it was meant to be.

But nothing could have spelled disaster

More than my confession,

How I bared my immature feelings

So childishly.

It seemed like that was the end for us,

If there had truly been a beginning.

And yet the story continued,

Merely postponed for two years

While you had chance to forget

And I had a chance to grow up.

Fortune favored us yet again,

Throwing us into one another’s paths

Like a pair of loaded dice.

But this time the game was right.

We clicked,

Secured in place by our mutual affection

And the hand of God.

It really was meant to be.

Now four years and a son later,

Nothing has made me happier

Than being your wife,

Your friend,

Your companion.

And nothing will ever lessen

My love for you.

I am yours.

Always.

TH

14 March 2009

2:07 a.m.

You and Me

Hand in hand, you and me

Onward to eternity

We walk along side by side,

Taking life’s challenges in stride

I fill your gaps, and you fill mine

Together more perfect all the time

And through it all, these words are true,

This truth remains: I love you.

TH

13 March 2009

5:10 p.m.

Three Words

“I love you”

Those three words

That change a lifetime

TL

2:51am

29 January 2005

Mind Reader

Tonight you read my mind

How?  I don’t know

You said it was in my face

The way I was looking at you

Can you read me already?

My thoughts are no longer secret

You’ve found the crack in my walls

And wiggled your way inside

What comes next?

TL

1:28am

27 January 2005

Daffodil

To the sunrise wonder,

Rimmed with the dawn-light—

Your silken ruffles in a motionless dance:

Perched on my desk

Sending perfume to kiss me goodnight

Thank you.  With love,

TL

1:02am

26 January 2005

Crumpled Flower

A crumpled flower

Petals crushed and torn apart

Lonely in the road.

TL

1:47am

25 January 2005

Recognition

Recognition

That remembrance of something good

Better than Cupid’s arrow

I’ve waited so long for this

A re-knowing , re-finding

Re-collection of feelings and future memories

And you in the center of it all.

TL

1:32am

24 January 2005

First Date

Holding hands

Touching lips

Smiling

Laughing

So happy

Perfect day

TL

3:07am

23 January 2005

Sleep

Eyelids grow heavy

My breathing slows and deepens

Sleep has caught me now

TL

3:05am

22 January 2005

To the Guy in My Class

It’s a little eerie, don’t you think?

Your chin resting on your palm

Your eyes frozen in my direction

And nowhere for me to hide

I feel like you’re undressing my secrets

Like you’re imagining me with your last name

But all I want is to unlock your gaze

And free myself from the two prison guards staring at me.

TL

2:09am

21 January 2005

You or the Sun

Clouds parted to let you pass by, unhindered

Snow melted away as you cast your golden gaze upon it

My tulips returned from their hibernation, awaiting your kiss.

TL

1:17am

20 January 2005

Angel on My Way

I passed an angel on my way

As I walked home from class today

His smile shone brightly, I could see,

As he directed it at me

I blinked my eyes, and he was gone

To leave me in the cold, alone

But one small happiness remained:

In that brief moment he had named

My heart’s desire: to be loved

By family, friends, and God above.

TL

2:41am

19 January 2005

T + 112 Minutes

Today last month you came back

Planting your feet on American soil

And joining the ranks of the Returned

No longer separated by a watery expanse

Our fingers are now free to intermingle

But for the distance that lies between our hearts.

TL

1:52am

18 January 2005

Waking Up

Every morning I open my eyes to a new vision of me

Someone hopeful and young

Someone faithful and strong

Someone helpless and wrong

Just inching along, day after day

When will I awake to a truthful mirror?

TL

2:29am

17 January 2005

Blue Eyes

A wide expanse of I’s and eyes

Under a falling sky

I cannot find those which I seek.

But what are blue eyes

Compared to the ocean?

TL

3:41am

15 January 2005

Two-star Ring

My little friend—

Eternity upon eternities of the cosmos

Somehow wrapped around my finger

I point, and the Universe goes where I command

Starfish, star fruit, stardom, star-struck

Stars in my eyes

Shooting stars

Two stars on a silver Milky way

The hope of us together.

But today, my friend, I lost you

The god of lost socks and phone numbers

Holds you captive in a dungeon,

Black as coal,

Cold and lonely as a plunge into the Arctic

Somewhere you’re waiting for me to find you

To reunite two lost stars forevermore.

TL

2:11am

16 January 2005

A Favor

What icy fingers painted my window

And plunged into the depths of my heart?

A bear-like hunger ravages my soul

Wreaking havoc in every corner of my existence

How can I free myself from your grasp?

What will fill your hunger and save me?

Salvage what’s left of my tattered longings?

Is there no way to peer over the walls of this labyrinth?

Just give me direction enough to right myself.

A sigh, a smile, a brush of fingers,

A brush off.

That’s all I ask.

TL

3:37am

15 January 2005

Reminisce

I still remember how ridiculous you looked

Wearing the fake, blue graduation cap

With the tassel hanging down one side

It didn’t fit you right, and neither did I

But even so, I loved you then.

I can still see your nervous, knowing glance

As I sat across from you at dinner

Trying not to crack at the day’s events

Everyone else knew it, too, and yet,

Never until now did I wonder why—and what—you told them

Last you said, you didn’t really remember it

But how could you forget my most daring deed?

Never before and never since—

You are one of a kind, for me to be bold

Is there more to the story that I’ve never known?

TL

1:22am

13 January 2005

The Uncatchable Fish

Thick fog settles on Rexburg

Settles on my mind

As I try to write papers

Formulate theses and evidence

As I try to hatch a plan

To catch the uncatchable Fish.

TL

2:40am

12 January 2005

For My Roommates

Pictures on my wall recall the memories

Of friends and family dear to me

Tank tops and head knocks

Mouths wide open at the sight

At finding a bird so late a night

Cap guns and sappy love songs

College students—no way we’re rich

Singing, “Who will eat my sandwich?”

Horseback rides on down the hall

And laughing our heads off through it all

Girls’ nights in and girls’ nights out

Dirty fish bowl—What’s that about?

A stolen happy birthday pie

A human flipchart—my, oh my

Dance parties at 202

And hanging with my high school crew

Roasting mallows in the dark

At Gneitings’ cabin in Island Park

Austin sings Celine Dion

We make sure that the pie’s all gone

Playing in boxes Finals week

And giving hugs, all cheek-to-cheek

Couches blocking bedroom doors

And banging heads on kitchen floors

Water fights and blue flashlights

Dressing in a crazy way

Our traditional date on Valentine’s Day

Fake engagement rings and s’mores

All these memories and more

It’s so hard to be apart

But you’re always with me in my heart.

TL

2:20am

11 January 2005

Lord, Forgive Me

Today I felt close to Thee, Lord

Thy gentle hands picked up

The shards of my shattering heart

Waiting to piece it back together

With the surest glue of humility.

I sought a freedom from my trials

And instead found strength to bear them.

My worries and cares threatened to beat me down

But Thy loving arms picked me up

Brushed away the dust

And brought me to Thy side

A welcoming safe-haven from the world

Lord, forgive me for my impatience

My unwillingness, my pride

My lack of faith in Thee

Forgive me

For not turning to Thee sooner.

TL

1:24am

10 January 2005

Some Strings

There are some strings

I can’t pull

Some strings I can’t master

Yet their beauty beckons to me

Unintentionally teasing me

Unknowingly weaving my sighs

Guitars and hearts

Two things I can’t conquer

Can’t control

Can’t ignore

And if I close my eyes,

Burying my head in the sand

And playing the ostrich,

I am overtaken

Tied up in their strings

Caught and doomed

By my very attempt at escape

And so I get towed along

Tangled up in my daydream

There are some strings

I can’t pull.

TL

8:21pm

8 January 2005

Revised:

3:20am

9 January 2005

Listening to DMB: Live at Luther College

Snow falling down

Wind in my face

A cold white blanket

That seems to erase

All the life in this town

All the thoughts in my head

And yet as I sit here

On top of my bed

I can’t close my eyes

I can’t fall asleep

Despite my desire of

A good rest to reap

While Dave goes on singing

My mind is consumed

With thoughts of what’s happening

Outside of my room

Will the snow really reach

Up to two-point-six feet?

And is he, in fact,

Really thinking of me?

The snow keeps on falling

The wind still blows on

And I hope soon I’ll be

Fast asleep, dreaming on.

TL

2:30am

8 January 2005

Found Poem

All my instincts – they return

And the grand façade so soon will burn

If you dream of me

Like I dream of you

Remember, when your dreams have ended

Time can be transcended

Just remember me

I am outside

Give me peace

I am scared

And I’m alone

Healing comes so painfully

And it chills to the bone

All of my life I’ve been in hiding

Wishing there was someone just like you

Now that you’re here

I know that you’re the one to pull me through

I hear a voice: “You must learn to stand up

For yourself, ‘cause I won’t always be around.”

Years go by and I’m here, still waiting

Where the rain-worsened snowman was

So I came down the hill

Of course I was hurt

But then I started to think

And I fall once again from my own ideals

And I fight back the fear of something

That I don’t understand, but I learned when I was young

Please don’t worry, lover

It’s really bursting at the seams

This is fact – not fiction – for the first time in years

Somehow I can’t seem to find

The quiet inside my mind

3:02 – The space in this room

Has turned on me

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time

Till touch-down brings me round again to find

You know that when the truth is told

You can get what you want

Or you can just get old

Wish there was something I could say or do

I can resist anything

But a temptation from you

So in my dreams

We share this dance together

And I’ll never win–

Keep my eyes closed forever

I read your words

Line by empty line

True, my fate desires

Destiny denied

Still I can’t go on

Watching patience lie

No, I can’t forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes

You’ll never see the life that I live

I’ll never live the life that wakes me in the night

You’ll say you’d never let me fall from hopes so high

I understand what I am still to proud to mention

But never is a promise

And I’ll never need a lie.

TL

1:48

7 January 2005
Note: These words are a mostly mish-mash of song lyrics.

Giddy

Why have I already memorized your voice?

I hear it echoing though corridors of my mind

No permission granted, yet it would have been my choice

To breathe in your name, to see what we find

Giddy?  I’m told it’s my current state of being

Well, that may prove to be quite true

But I can’t escape the fact that you’re not seeing

Everything I hope to mean to you

“Take courage!” I command my wishing heart

“For things might not be lost as they now seem!

And you may find a waiting part

In him that’s dreaming the same dream.”

TL

2am

6 January 2005

Hooked

A fishbowl

Two goldfish: Pat and BobbyRay

Fish food

“No Fishing” sign

Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream

One dead goldfish –

Goodbye, Pat

Two more for the bowl

BobbyRay’s dead

Then Nameless

Now Kamikaze Pilot Fish / Muerte / Morty

Just an empty fishbowl

With a sign, a plant, and rocks

Enter Ambrose:

Gorgeous, deep brick red

My first Betta

Mirrors provoke him

“He’s a lover, not a fighter!”

A year later:

Another college fish in the plumbing

Another empty fishbowl

Toxorynchites

Tox for short

Not Albus

Not Alby

Not Nepo

Tox

White fish

Gray, pink

My second Betta

Spunky and unique

Then the Big Fish

Swims back into my life

Fifteen minutes, that’s all

But “it only takes a moment”?*

Truth.  Sheer truth.

I’m gone fishing

To put it lyrically . . .

“I’m hooked

            I’m hooked

                        I’m hooked.”**

TL

2:03am

3 January 2005

* “It Only Takes a Moment,” from “Hello, Dolly!”

** “Captain Hook,” by Adam Record

4 January 2005

I don’t know you

In fact, I don’t know much about you

But I know you are loved

Someday I’ll meet you

I think we’ll embrace for the first time

And we’ll love each other as family


TL
4 January 2005

Delayed

Delayed.

Don’t you just love winter weather

And its effects on travel?

Four hours in Reno

Another flight

A different bus

A frigid wait

And an icy walk home

But I’m finally here

Three hours later than planned

Delayed.

Don’t you just love mistakes

And their effects on life?

Four years in Limbo

Another try

A different path

A crash into reality

And a painful return to the Living

Delayed.

It took forever to get here

And now I don’t know what to do with myself

Am I ready for class?

Am I ready for snow?

Am I ready for you?

I’m sorry it took me so long –

I was delayed.

TL

3:21am

4 January 2005

To My Parents, on Their Thirtieth

Time passes quickly

Happiness increases

Indeed, love grows with time

Raised three fine children

Two grandchildren so far

You sure know how to make ‘em

You contemplate the years together

Eternity sealed to one another

A great adventure

Rest a little while

Surprise!  Time to get moving

Tomorrow is just another day

Out with the old, in with the new

Do you remember the first year?

Anniversaries galore, I tell you

Yes, it’s been thirty years today.

TL

1:30am

3 January 2005

Misty

My friend by the chimney—

You used to wait by the door

Begging for exit or entry

Like a dog for table scraps

It always seemed like you knew my thoughts

Knew what I was feeling

And you’d come running

Your big green eyes

—Wide fields of infinite understanding—

Telling me not to worry

All would be right

Just wait a while

But now your bed is empty

Two months and five days

It doesn’t seem right

But to keep you here would have been selfish

As Cory realized with his dog, Rebel

They held you as you slipped

From this world to the next

Letting you go peacefully

Crying though it all

Mourning our loss

Celebrating your freedom

Yet still I swear you’re here

I see visions of you

Stretching out, framed by sunlight

Running to the kitchen

At the opening of a can of tuna

I trip over your memory in the hallway

After I turn out the light

Your presence engraved

Into my nightly rituals

My friend by the chimney –

Sleeping under Hydrangeas

You used to wait by the door

For us to let you through

And now you wait on the other side of it

For the time when we, too, will cross the threshold.

TL

1:14am

2 January 2005

Amends

I’d like to apologize to you

For some of the things I’ve said

For trying to make you see things the way I do

For making you feel worse about what’s happened

For the unnecessary talks and unkind words.

I wish I could take them back.

But I also wish that you knew

How I feel

How I hurt

How mad I get, at both of us

How frustrated I am

How sorry I am

And how sometimes I just want to be with you.

But if it can’t be,

It won’t be.

And though I press harder on the rock in my shoe,

Hoping to dull my senses and numb myself to the pain,

I know I risk a scar to remind me

When I could have forgotten.

Maybe your way is better.

By stepping and balancing carefully on things that bring you comfort,

You leave opportunity for the rock to tumble out on its own,

Avoiding permanent displeasure.

Where do we go from here?

There are no magical words to make everything all right.

Time cannot be reversed or removed.

The paths before me are clouded over,

And I cannot see what choices lie ahead,

Nor can I find my way alone.

Is there some way for things to be right?

Is there a bridge to cross

From where I am

To where I want to be?

If not,

Will you help me build one?

My only desire is to close the gap I’ve widened

To repair the damaged caused by my earthquake

To make amends.

TL

12 November 2002

11:44am

revised 3:32pm

revised 7:45pm

retyped 21 January 2003, 11:28pm

Blink

I could have gotten lost in your eyes today

Sitting across a table at Taco Time

But you blinked

And my heart sighed with the Almost

I could have lost my light in a shadow of my past

Tripping on a foreign version of myself

But he blinked

And my feet found the path they had lost

I could have given you my heart

Knowing that you’d always care for it

But I blinked

And my legs carried me far away

I could have been happy with you

Smiling and loving and finding ourselves

But I blinked

And now I realized—too late—that you are what I want.

TL

28 September 2004

9:37pm

revised: 3 October 2004

12:26am

Chutes and Ladders

Like the game of my childhood

My emotions are
Unpredictable

Frustrating
Helping me climb higher up

Or dropping me closer to where I started
I can't distinguish my hopes

And when I think the game is in my hands

It all comes crashing

Making me slip and fall
Yet another bruised knee

Skinned elbow

Torn pants

Shattered dreams
That's my problem...
I try to plan out an uncontrollable game of choice

There are no stars to follow
No magic words for me to say

Just close my eyes

And spin the dial.

TL
2 December 2002
6:18pm

Cinco de Mayo

Another one of those crazy holidays goes by

It never held much sentiment for me

Just a couple of gaudy piñatas,

Exciting music, and exotic food

Until now

Pushing through the colorful beads,

The bright streamers,

The smell of warm tortillas

—(All in my head)—

I find my way to a room

Where the only scent is you,

The central focus of the mantle sheltering my heart

The wood, the whispering flames,

The smoke that envelops me—

It’s all you

A Cinco de Mayo like no other;

Milestone marking the time left to travel

Before our two paths become forever one

Today

Sentimental and full of a love

Unconditionally yours,

And yours alone

Solid and unbreakable,

Unlike the burro piñata I remember from grade school.

TL

12:27am

6 May 2005

The Master Teacher

What makes a true master a teacher of men?

And how can one hope to so influence them?

Was there once a man most loving and true

Who stands, the example for me and for you?

There is one most humble: a carpenter from birth

Showed love unto all, proved each of his worth

He traveled to find them all over the land

And taught them in parables so they’d understand

His actions were perfect; He lived what he taught

And showed them the price for which souls had been bought

He led those who followed, the Good Shepherd he'd be

His sheep knew His voice and each small lamb knew He

He prayed for them, watched them--their needs were all known

He worked till He filled them. His light always shone

Not one was excluded, no sheep gone astray

Except He would find them, bring them home to stay

He lifted their hearts as He lifted their hands

Showed them the way to break death’s dark bands

This man is our Savior, the Teacher of all

He stretches His arms out each time that we fall

How can I be like Thee, my Savior most true?

Master Teacher of men, that teacher is You.

TL
February 2005

Fish Kish

Oh, I wish
I was a fish
Swimming in
The ocean blue.
'Cause then we
Could kish and kish,
And you'd know
That I love you.
[fish kish]

TL
8:19pm
3 February 2003

I Don't Know How to Tell You This

I don't know how to tell you this,

But even so, I will.

There's a place for you inside my heart

That only you can fill.

We two are just friends,

It's true.

But it's hard to keep

From loving you.

You found a place

Right from the start

Inside of me,

Deep in my heart.

Each moment that

I share with you

Is a dream of mine

That has come true.

I think of you

When you're away,

Which means I think

Of you each day.

And when you cry,

I'm crying, too—

Because I care

So much for you.

TL

sometime in the '90s

I Have to Bite My Tongue

I have to bite my tongue

To keep from saying

My thoughts

Everything I’m feeling

Everything I hope

I have to shut my eyes

To keep from seeing

Your actions

Everything you’re doing

Everywhere you go

I have to plug my ears

To keep from hearing

Your voice

Everything you’re saying

Every time you laugh

I have to clench my fists

To keep from reaching

Your hands

Every time you’re here

Every time you’re near

I have to hide my tears

To keep from showing

My pain

Everything I’m hurting

Everything I’m hiding

I have to stop my heart

To keep from feeling

Its beats

Every time it aches

Every time it breaks

I have to bite my tongue

To keep from breaking

Your heart

Everything you are

Everything I want.

TL

8:48pm

27 February 2004

revised:

12:37pm

8 September 2004

I Wish

I wish I had the words to say

How much I miss you now.

I’d tell you all the thoughts I have,

If only I knew how.

Then I’d take you in my arms

And hold you close to me,

Knowing that forever

This was where I want to be.

I wish I had a moment’s time

To get lost in your eyes,

To feel your fingertips on mine,

Again to realize

That you are where my heart is.

No distance can, nor will,

Alter what I know is true;

My love grows for you still.

I wish that I could hear your voice

And feel your heart beat slow.

Sing “Captain Hook” again for me

And tell me what you know.

A shooting star will find you

Wherever you may be,

And when you see it shimmer,

It’s then you’ll think of me.

I wish I knew the words to write

Now that you’re far away

So you could know I fall in love

With you more every day.

Your tender words still echo

All through my aching heart,

And I can’t stand these miles

That keep us far apart.

I wish that you were here with me

Now that you’re my best friend.

But I’ll just wait here patiently

Until you’re back again.

TL

2:21am

21 April 2003