Taboo

It seems to be a topic we avoid

I don’t know if you want to talk about it

But I do

It’s an icy river I need to plunge into

And I’m scared

Because it’s going to be rough

A thousand tiny knives into every inch of me

But I’m the one who put you there

And I want to be the one to pull you out,

Wrapping you in my arms to warm you

Not that you need me to be your savior

You seem to be doing just fine

Only a toe is left in the water

If anything at all

Is it closure I’m seeking?

Or am I petitioning for another doorway?

One that doesn’t bear an Exit sign

I’m not ready for anything final

That’s for sure

Not yet, anyway

But I cannot allow myself to hurt you

Thus I become the torturer of my own heart

Is this something we can talk about?

I’m afraid that if I said anything

You’d walk away

Taking your friendship with you

I want to give “Us” another go

I want us to stay together

And I want to give you my smile

I want to know if there’s a chance

Or if I should stop holding my breath

And walk away from that river

I want so much

But I can’t ask for any of it

There’s still another corner I have to round

See what’s on the other side of it

See myself less another sharp edge

I’d like us to talk

Not just about the mundanities of life

Not just about our past

Not just about my mistake and regrets

Not just about how I want to try again

All of these, yes

But more

I want us to just talk

I want to know what makes you tick

And what beats your heart

Tell me what you know

And I’ll tell you what I know:

April was a mistake.

I wish I could tell you.

TL

28 September 2004

9:25pm

revised: 3 October 2004

12:16am